Constantly Fighting Your Spouse? – Well Sign A Fight Contract

Couple Conflict

Create a Marital Contract To Resolve Conflict in Your Marriage

Sometime ago, Michael (my husband) and I were finding ourselves continually arguing and fighting with each other. As I think about it, it seems that we were spending more time yelling, criticizing, accusing, interrupting or ignoring each another, than enjoying each other’s company. Often times one of us would say something mean to the other that we would later have to apologize for.

At one time, I remember not speaking a word to Michael for almost 3 weeks, because of something he had said to me. In response he defiantly refused to apologize for most of this time also. I have to admit that I was pretty good at giving the cold shoulder and completely ignoring Michael, which only made him angry. Well this was not good for our relationship because the only way we could have resolved our conflict was to communicate our feelings to one another.

There were times when Michael would say or do things in public that I felt was disrespectful to me and when I tried addressing the issue later at home, it resulted in a heated argument.

On the other hand Michael would say nothing if I did or said something to hurt him. If he then did something similar to me and I tried addressing the issue, rather than apologizing he would accuse me of doing the same thing before. As you can imagine, this only raised my level of anger and frustration.

These were just a few of our many issues, so you can imagine how often we were fighting with each other.

As we analyzed out relationship, we realized that those unresolved issues were making our marriage a very unhappy one. If they were not resolved quickly, they would lead to serious issues with our marriage.

Create A Contract Stipulating Mutual Respect And Love

Love Heart in Sand

Therefore Michael and I decided to create a binding contract that stipulated how we would treat one another. This contract would be used as a guide to help address our disagreements and sometimes even our interactions with each other.

I have included the contract below for your perusal. As you read this contract, you may think that some of the items are trivial, but conflict can result from these seemingly minor issues. As the frustrations from these petty issues accumulate, they create resentment which is later release unfairly on the unknowing spouse. Don’t explode unfairly on your spouse, nip the frustrations in the bud…… include them in the contract.

Make Sure That The Contract Addresses Your Issues

Couple-Fighting
If you decide to draft a conflict resolution contract, be sure to include the things that cause you guys to fight, not matter how trivial you may think they are. Both you and your spouse need to sit down and talk about those things and decide together to include them in the contract. For example Michael always hates when I eat food or place liquids next to his laptop computer, so he included that in the contract. I knew how he felt about it so we both agreed to include it in the contract. Therefore make sure that the contract address your issues.

Define Penalties When Either Of You Break The Contract

Contract-Penalties

Contracts are created to ensure that the involved parties abide by the terms and conditions of the agreement. To ensure that you both abide by these terms, stipulate in the contract what should be done if either of you break the contract. The penalty could be as simple as requiring the guilty party to do something extra ordinarily nice for the other. Michael and I decided that if at any time one of us broke the contract then both of us would sit together and review the contract and what we could do to prevent it from happening again. We also decided that the guilty party would read the contract aloud to the other person 3 times, to at least help refresh the terms of the contract in his/her mind.

Well we both eventually had to read the contract aloud a few times, but as time passed we got better at keeping the promises we made and started treating each other so much better. Recently Michael reminded me that we hadn’t had an argument in over 2 months. It sounded so beautiful when he uttered those words.

To make this work, you both need to make a concerted effort to keep the terms of the contract and must genuinely want to treat each better. The contract will help remind you of this decision.


Here Is A Copy My Marital Contract

This here certifies that Michael Samuel and Alicia Samuel on this date______________________ have agreed to abide by the guideline listed in this document.

  1. Our marriage is built on mutual respect, and structure
    • We respect each other’s time and things
      • When we agree to a time, we adhere to this agreement unless we call ahead of time to state a change
      • If a change of plans occurs, we email or text to alert the other spouse about this change
      • Change of plans should be beyond the control of the other spouse and not out of sheer negligence. (We try to stick to the original plan as much as possible)
      • We respond to emails or texts in a timely fashion
      • We are always on time like we agreed to or planned to
    • We respect each other’s space
      • When we are listening to something we are mindful to use headphones or play it very softly
      • In the morning or night, we respect each other’s sleep times and are not overly noisy
      • We do not have the lights on in bed while the other spouse is sleeping
      • We do not leave stuff lying around the house or car indefinitely
    • We respect each other’s things
      • Everything in this home belongs to us both, we ensure that we take care of them and treat them with care
        • This especially includes: car, dishes, computer
  2. Our marriage is built on mutual love and respect
    • We respect each other with our words and gestures
      • We do not use any swear words when speaking to each other when angry or any other time whatsoever
      • We do not speak down to each other or at each other
      • We use kind tones even when we are angry
        • If we are angry and prone to change tones, then we have to postpone the conversation until we are relaxed
      • We do not argue in public
      • We address each quietly when we are in public and need to address something
      • We treat each other as we want to be treated
        • If we have told the other partner what we do not appreciate, then we do not do this same thing we dislike to another
      • We should point out when we do not like something at the time it happens and not when the other partner had done something similar
        • We cannot address the problem at this time
  3. I am very understanding when my partner does a mistake, especially if it is something I have done to my partner before
  4. I do not bash with words, ultimatums, and do not hold grudges for unnecessarily long periods
  5. I am compassionate and forgiving to my partner when he/she have made a mistake

_____________________

         Michael Samuel

_____________________

                    Alicia Samuel

 

*If this contract is broken and we do follow the policies, then both of us will sit and review the contract and what steps will make to enforce the agreement.

*If the contract is broken by one spouse, I will be required to read the contract aloud to my spouse three times.