When couples utter the words ‘I Do’, they envision a forever happy relationship. They never picture the idea of somewhere down the line having to ever utter the words, “I need to get my husband back.” Some do find the forever after, but many others like you weren’t that lucky, and find yourself having to fight to save your marriage or face separation. I was there once. Losing your significant other can be one of the most nerve-wracking and emotional experiences you may have to encounter in life. It brings along with it pain, isolation, anger and hatred. Though you may feel like the heartbreak will last forever, it won’t. Below I have shared with you four tips to help you in your healing process.
Release Your Emotions
I know it hurts very much when he is no longer there. I know the emptiness you feel, when all you can think about is how to get him back. I have been there. I missed him. I remember holding my emotions inside and expected to find healing. But I learnt that it was okay to cry, to scream and voice out my fears. Not letting out your pain by holding in the emotions can cause both physical and emotional harm. Pretending all is fine is not the way to recovery after a breakup.
Through my grieving I found healing. I felt vulnerable sometimes, but it was the first step in acknowledging my way to recovery. And I learnt that at times being vulnerable did not mean I was weak. It meant dealing with my emotions and having it under control. When this is dealt with you are now able to focus on how to save your marriage.
Don’t Isolate Yourself
It is true that we may need time to heal, reflect, and rediscover ourselves again, but dwelling too long in that isolated state can be devastating. I remember staying away from my family and friends when my husband and I separated. I avoided phone calls, didn’t answer my front door and no longer responded to emails. I disconnected from everyone, because all I was focused on was how to get him back. It was one of the most terrible decisions I ever made at that time. When I could no longer hold the pain, I reached out to them – family and friends.
They were ready and willing to be there for me. They came over and prepared lunch like we use to before. When I wasn’t in the mood to cook I ordered take-out which was willingly accepted and enjoyed by them. My girlfriends took me shopping. Just having them as company was a pleasure at the time before my husband and I reconciled. It helped me to free my mind with enjoyable experiences. It helped sooth me positively where I could now talk to them about how I felt, what I longed for. And surprisingly, staying connected with family and friends, they are sometimes very capable of giving pointers on how to save your marriage.
Get In Shape
Separation can be stressful, and a great way to deal with such stress is exercising. It can vary from weight lifting, yoga, cardio to just brisk walking. At first I figured if I exercised all my problems would disappear; they didn’t, I still had to face and deal with the separation. But with exercising, I got to experience a calm and rejuvenating feeling which made me feel empowered. I was then capable of dealing with my issues in a more productive manner.
I also discovered with exercising I was in a much happier place. Whilst I was exercising it was important that I focused on what I was doing at the present moment (e.g. balancing without toppling over when doing arm and leg extensions or running as fast as I could on the treadmill). It was therefore difficult at that moment to be thinking about any pain of the past or even worrying about the future. And for that period of time, I was surely a lot merrier.
Another positive aspect of exercising is that your body will also begin to look better. I actually got fit and looked so much better. I now looked at myself with delight in the mirror. This caused me to smile a whole lot more. Now I was able to focus with a clear mind on how to save my marriage. I had the energy I needed to work on how to get him back.
It is so easy for our pain of separation to turn to hate. I learnt that holding unto a grudge did me no good. It made me bitter, resentful and angry. I ended up almost losing my friends and family who were close to me. I thought they wanted to hear the constant negative talk about my husband leaving all the time, but what I failed to realize was that I was creating this negative energy and they were getting bored and uncomfortable about the situation. Many of them actually wanted to talk to me about how to get him back, but I never allowed them the opportunity. I soon started seeing less of them.
As hard as it may be, you have to find the strength to forgive your spouse. I know it is not an easy task to do. It wasn’t easy for me. After all I thought, why did he deserve forgiveness after what he’d done. But to become who I am now, I had to do it. Harboring hate in my heart against my husband was taking up the space for loving my kids, my family, friends and my passion.
Learning to forgive him didn’t happen overnight; it took time and patience, but it happened. And developing that patience actually helped me to get him back. In finding forgiveness towards him, I gained peace of mind, healing and happiness. I regained control of my life. I was no longer a victim of hate and bitterness. I was now the loving person I was supposed to be.
After you have found healing, you are now strong and proud of where you are, you may want to get your husband back home. You may still be in love with him. I loved my husband Michael with my heart and soul. I believed our marriage was worth saving and I worked on getting him back home where he belonged. I am proud to say that Jackson’s method of saving your marriage in The Magic of Making Up may seem unconventional, but it works. I am happily in love again and this time it is forever and I wish the same for you. I wish you blessings in your recovery and success in saving your marriage if you so desire to walk down that path.