‘My children will always be first priority’ – the words of many mothers. That was my belief too. But in truth, this idea is wrong. To me it’s not about husband or children being first, but giving priority to both as they so deserve. I love both my husband and children with my soul. I will sacrifice my all for them, but at one time I would never have placed my husband’s needs before the kids’ needs ever. That almost cost me my marriage, but I was strong enough to work to save my marriage and get my husband back.
Before our children came along, it was just us two. We devoted time to have our relationship blossom into a sanctuary that we thought would stand the test of times. We were alive and happily in love. Then our children came along and I suddenly made them the centerpiece of my life. I pushed my spouse out of the sanctuary we worked so hard to build. His needs became an option. I did not do it selfishly, but I kept thinking he is an adult, he’ll understand if I always reached out to the kids first; they are young, they can’t do for themselves.
Our date nights, exercising together, preparing that one special meal together per week, along with so many other activities became optional. I gave priority to every want, which I saw as needs at the time, that our kids requested. All this time I never saw me pushing my husband lower and lower on my list of priorities. And as he was pushed down, so did our conversation and our sexual intimacy lowered. He became distant and soon he too became all about the children.
It suddenly hit me, I was no longer important to him. Instead of coming through the door and seeking me for the usual long, tight hug and kiss, he was now running towards the kids. He was asking them about their day. I ceased to exist. I was now in his shoes and I now felt the hurt he endued when I poured my all into only our kids. I was basically sacrificing my all for our children and sadly was destroying our marriage. I needed to save my marriage. I needed to get my husband back.
Noticing I was skating on thin ice, I decided to fix what I had sewed which had my marriage in an unhealthy state. I decided to put our marriage as first priority and worked to get my husband back to having me as priority again. I started putting the gratitude notes on mornings in his suitcase as I did before. I remember the first time I did unaware to him, apologizing for my behavior and stating how important he was to me. When he came home that evening, I received that familiar long, tight hug. I knew we were on our way to recovery. We were saving our marriage from the clutches of despair and I was on my way to getting my husband back as my soulmate.
Besides only saving our marriage, giving my husband the priority he deserves show my kids how a true marriage works. It gives them a preview of what honoring your spouse is for their future relationships. They will learn from the example we live by of giving priority where it should be.
Putting my husband’s needs first at times furthermore help in preventing our kids from becoming self-centered. When I placed all they wants and needs above my husband’s, they were selfish. They never at times thought of anyone but themselves. They felt entitled to everything. This has changed with giving my husband the priority he deserves, and that is putting him before them at times. My children are now more loving and selfless.
My children are a very important part of our marriage. We make sure they are provided with their needs and that includes love, but as a couple, we also made time for each other a top priority.